At some point in all of our lives, we will provide care to a loved one in need. Women more often than men will assume the caregiver role; some more often than others. Usually, care giving, as a full time responsibility, is provided to very young children and to very aged and frail parents. Although some caregivers taking classes at the Center, are caring for parents or adult children, most have quite unexpectedly become caregivers for spouses. This is perhaps the most challenging and least understood of all the caregiver roles. In classes at the Center. caregivers express the vital need in our society for understanding and acknowledgement of the importance and extreme challenges of the role they courageously and lovingly assumed.

When asked why they are taking caregiver classes at the Center students that were interviewed shared the following:

I believe in the group process. I’ve been a counselor. Sharing of information is so important. I get so much feedback here. I get to let my feelings out so they are not sitting there like a cancer. My fellow caregivers give me perspective. They hold a mirror up to me. I have the choice of staying the way I am or to act differently. I’m having to learn to say NO when I’ve always said yes. I’m going to break if I don’t. The group is helping me to learn this and to get the courage to do it.

I was not prepared. I had no idea what strokes could do to people. My work as a minister taught me to “turn myself in” when I need help. I have learned to spill my guts and it’s a great thing to do to relieve my stress. I’ve benefited and so do others in the group. We help each other cope. I need it.

Eldon’s stroke at 62 brought one life to an end abruptly. The Center hashelped us open a new chapter in our lives. We have learned to focus and move ahead one step at a time. The Center classes been a life-saver for both of us in different ways.

My husband has heart issues and had a stroke. I would encourage anyone to come here. I was coming for my husband. I didn’t know there was anything here for me. But now I have something along with him. It’s good to cry with each other. Before I came to the group I didn’t have anyone who really understood what I was going through. Now I do. You never know what’s going to happen, do you?

This group has been in many ways a life-saver for me. My father died and my mother moved in with me. Then she had a massive stroke. She didn’t get TPA. I had to make the decision between risking her life with TPA or risking the disability. I don’t know if I made the right decision, but her disability has been the end of one life and the beginning of another. By myself I don’t know what I would have done. For 6-8 Months I was beside myself. I had so much anger. This group is helping me to find good caregivers and to find alternative medical supports.

After his stroke, Earl was like a ticking time bomb. Neither one of us wanted to come to the Center. We were angry that our lives had changed so radically. We didn’t want to admit that we needed help. Now, I can say that if it wasn’t for the Center I would have had a nervous breakdown by now. In this group if something I say helps someone else, it helps me equally.

When Earl gets up here, he’s so glad to see his friends and to participate in the community here that I don’t even exist! We get a break from each other and have an opportunity to take a breath and get refreshed.

My sister has commented that she sees a big difference in both of us—for the better!

I don’t feel like I’m taking care of Dennis anymore. When we first came it was a different story. Dennis couldn’t walk or talk and now we have traveled to Japan and Greece. I didn’t join the Caregivers group, but I’ve gotten lots of support from staff and other spouses just by being here. I just had so much to do that I chose to take Dennis’ time here to get other things done. When I needed to be here to assist him I read or volunteered.

We’ve seen wonderful progress. He wants to be here and is always improving. We are both close to all the people here. He has the opportunity to talk all day in a supportive environment where people take the time to listen and understand. It’s natural speech therapy! You can’t take any class here without having it be speech therapy too.

We couldn’t have made it through without this place. Friendships—lots of friendships. It’s like a family here. Nobody is replaceable. This community becomes people’s lives.