PARALLELISM—EXERCISE:

For practice, correct the faulty parallelism in the following sentences and clean up any wordiness you find.

1. Either the sportscaster attacked the coach for poor recruiting, or he was criticized for his incapability in drilling the team.

2. Not only will he write his history essay, but finishing his photography project is his plan.

3. She did all her math, studied her Spanish, and then there was that paper to write.

4. Sacramento has a great climate, excellent parks, and you can go to good plays and concerts.

5. I haven't decided whether to go into medicine or to be a lawyer.

6. I am learning how to study, the way to organize my time, and how to concentrate.

7. The contractor advertised for a plumber, a carpenter, and electrical.

8. He's succeeding through hard work, persistence, and maybe he's also having a bit of luck.

9. The goals of this course are critical reading, careful writing, and being able to think clearly.

10. The reading course has taught me not only to read faster but also comprehending what I read.

11. I admire her. I love her. I find that I need her.

12. The duties of the job include baby-sitting, house-cleaning, and preparation of meals.

13. The strikers read the offer, discussed it, and unanimously decided to reject it.

14. Plagiarism can result in suspension or even being expelled from school.

SENTENCE VARIETY

Sentence variety is a way of adding a voice, a mood to your writing and emphasis to your main ideas. Often, your English 100 instructors will ask you to vary your sentence structure because your sentences are monotonous, turning an interesting topic into a boring essay.

The ending is the most emphatic part of a sentence, so putting the main idea at the end in a periodic sentence will create suspense.

* Trudging through the snow, her eyes blinded by the wind-driven sleet and her thin jacket offering little warmth against the freezing cold, Bernice never saw the oncoming vehicle.

The short dramatic sentence is another way to liven up your writing. However, short sentences are most effective after a string of longer sentences. Too many short sentences can be tedious.

* "Meaning no disrespect, I suppose there is, if not general rejoicing, at least some sense of relief when the football season ends. It's a long season." (From Models for Writers, 5th Ed.)

PERIODIC AND LOOSE SENTENCES

Periodic sentences build up in front. Whether they are long or short, the subject and the verb that are at the grammatical core of the sentence do not appear towards the beginning of the sentence, as they usually do; rather, they appear late in the sentence, after another idea, or other ideas, have been expressed.

Close to the sun in lonely lands, Ring'd with the azure world, he stands.

The subject and verb, "he stands," would normally be at the beginning of that sentence, but Tennyson wanted to establish the background of his eagle first, then suddenly reveal him center-stage.

When I am ready, and when your mother is ready, and when Millie and Henry and Janet have their mittens and snow-boots on, and when the horses are harnessed and the carriage is brought 'round, and we are all snug inside with the blankets tucked up around our chins and none of the children left behind and none of the doors unlocked, then I shall tell you where we are going.

Upon a strange plateau, on a strange island, in a strange sea, far from their farms and villages, they slept forever beside the lagoon which bore them to their day of battle. And thus, through the serene tranquilities of the tropical sea, among waves whose handclappings were suspended by exceeding rapture, Moby Dick moved on, still withholding from sight the full terrors of his submerged trunk, entirely hiding the wrenched hideousness of his jaw.

The last quotation is periodic up until "Moby Dick moved on," and the remainder of the sentence is sometimes called a "loose" construction.

PART I: Try writing five periodic sentences of your own.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

PART II: The following sets of sentences each contain one periodic sentence. Find the periodic sentences and enter ONLY the PERIODIC sentence into the answer box.

1. If a letter is to be written to a friend, a report to an employer, a communication to a newspaper, see that it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The majority of writings are without these pleasing adornments. Only the great pieces possess them.

2. For ease of reading, or for the attainment of an intended effect, unity is essential. Lacking unity, any piece of writing is a failure, because in truth it is not a piece, but pieces.

3. What's confusing is that style usually means some form of fancy writing-when people say, oh yes, so and so's such a "wonderful stylist." But if one means by style the voice, the irreducible and always recognizable and alive thing, then of course style is really everything.

4. Consideration of sound and rhythm should be woven through every aspect of what you write. If all your sentences move at the same plodding gait, which even you recognize as deadly but don't know how to cure, read them aloud. You will begin to hear where the trouble lies.

5. Illustrating an abstract idea is like drawing the map of an area for someone after trying to give him directions on how to reach a particular location. As soon as he sees the lines that mark the roads, the circles that indicate the stoplights where he is to turn, the squares that stand for such landmarks as gas stations or churches or schoolhouses, he visualizes the route.

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