Articulatte

the talkative quality of someone who consumes a lot of coffee-based beverages

Bachground

a musician's resume

Banalysis

the minutiae to which television news viewers are subjected each time a major news story breaks.

Baroquen

anything odd enough, grotesque enough or in sufficiently bad taste that it should be considered fundamentally broken.

Beelzebug

Satan, in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedrom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Bozone

the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Broodband

an entire family networked with broadband connection

Burglesque

A poorly planned break-in (see Watergate)

Cashtration

The act of buying ahouse, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Caterpallor

The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating

Croissaunt

Mom's flaky sister

Deaficit

a budget problem no one wants to hear about

Decafalon

The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Dopeler effect

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Downloafing

Surfing the net when you should be working

Drownsizing

concrete example of how the Mafia gives the boot to employees who don't keep the business afloat

Egosystem

the self-sustaining collection of yes-men and sycophants who orbit around sports stars, celebrities and various executives

Felecommunications

when men talk to each other on the phone

Flagulence

an outburst of flags, such as on Veteran's Day

Foreploy

Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Frognosticate

Predict the fate of amphibians

Gabstinence

when chat rooms are your only sexual outlet

Giraffiti

Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido

All talk and no action

Hipatitis

Terminal coolness

Ignoranus

A person who is both stupid and an a**hole

Inoculatte

To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication

The euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Karmageddon

It's like, when everybody is sendng off al these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Keybeard

the unsightly stain that develops around the edges of a well-used computer button

Luddate

Someone you are going out with who does not understand your obsession with technology

Metrognome

lawn statue in the subway

Mormentum

Why Utah polygamists can't stop with one wife

Motherbored

In many homes, a technology discussion at dinner between father and the kids

Nonosecond

The instant between when you said something insulting and wished to God you had thought first.

Offshorn

Getting cut because your job moved overseas

Osteopornosis

A degenerate disease

Palo Halto

Peninsula city opposed to further development

Pentropy

tendency of office supplies to become disorganized over time

Protocool

the hipness factor in saying you work on TCP/IP network protocol

Reintarnation

Coming back to life as a hillbilly

Resolutionaries

folks who show up at the gym for the three to five weeks after New Year's, then are never seen again

Sankfroid

When one's composure is buried by circumstance

Scentillating

the quality of conversation near the end of a long workout at the gym

Tatyr

A lecherous Mr. Potato Head

Tediocrity

overexposure to mediocrity

Teleprone

apt to answer a cell phone anywhere it rings.

Wusband

ex-husband